Over the Memorial Day Weekend I learned that my dear college roommate (whose wedding I was one of 16 bridesmaids) was going to be traveling through my area on her way home from a family reunion. She lives out of state and I actually hadn't seen her SINCE the western themed nuptials two years ago. We were able to coordinate a dinner as she would be driving right past my exit and I was ecstatic that we would once again be reunited!
While shes been married for two years and is expecting her first child, I didn't consider the fact that she may not be the same girl I had seen just 24 months earlier. I filled my boyfriend in all afternoon telling him some of my crazy college memories that included my loud, outgoing, hysterically boisterous bestie. How disappointed was I when I realized just how much 24 months of marriage and 7 months of preggersness changes one.
After saying our goodbyes, I left feeling very disappointed at how little we had in common any more. She told us in detail over our dinner that her and her husband of just two years had been seeing a counselor on a regular basis, her husband sitting right next to her as she shared these intimate details. She shared how she hates being pregnant, she hates her body right now, she hates how little money they have and on and on and on she went....needless to say it wasnt a fun conversation nor was it encouraging as a couple on the verge of possibly getting engaged, looking forward to getting married and having children. It quickly turned into a very one sided conversation, more of a venting session leaving us quite sullen and depressed.
Lately there have been a number of couples in our lives whose marriages and relationships just aren't working out. Both my boyfriend and I are products of parents who have cheated. My best friend just went through a similar situation with her parents and even more lately my friends with just a year or two of marriage under their belts are contemplating divorce.
It is discouraging and terrifying to be headed towards the same venture wondering what the fate of our relationship holds. I do feel that by witnessing and experiencing first hand the pain of watching a family, especially your own, break up, that we have forced ourselves to set our bar a little higher. We have decided to take these painful experiences and learn from them in hopes of avoiding making similar mistakes as we continue on in our own relationship.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Ultimatums
My mother is in town.
For most of us, that would be followed by an, "enough said"...
She is visiting from Minnesota where she retired with husband #3 and her now 22 month old baby. The funny thing about her living in Minnesota is that between the two of them they knew exactly 0 people when they moved there, have 0 family members out there and unlike normal people who retire at the beach they chose to retire on a lake surrounded by wilderness.
She has been there about 2 years, I have yet to visit but there is a trip planned in just a couple weeks that my boyfriend and I are taking together.
One tidbit piece of info you should know about my mother being in town is that she came in her 40ft RV. Yes, picture a tour bus driven by two Sr. Citizens and a toddler.
I have to admit it's pretty comical sight to see but it works for them sooo who am I to judge...right?
Anyways, Mom & Co. leave tomorrow to head back to MN after being on the East Coast since the end of April. I went to their Campsite tonight (did I really just type that?) to say my goodbyes, not realizing I was about to be ambushed.
Now, remember back at the beginning of the story I told you that my mom is on husband #3...keep that in mind as I unveil what happens next...
My boyfriend and I have been dating for exactly 1 year, 5 months and 3 days. Yes, we talk engagement and houses and weddings and kids and IDEALLY I would LOVE to get engaged by the end of 2010 (and he knows that). This timeline would be the 2 year mark for us and I think a great point in a relationship to make that jump to the next step especially since he will be just 2 months shy of his 30th birthday and I will almost be 28. We are at a good point in our relationship. We are best friends, we love eachother, we make eachother laugh daily, we are the first person the other calls to celebrate a success, to vent, to cry (well more me crying to him but you get my drift). We are on the same page about religion AND politics :) we both love country music, he is a good singer I am a good dancer. We both are ridiculously good looking :)....I could go on and on.
My mom has met my boyfriend a total of 3 times?? Maybe? She has spent less than 10hrs total and I really only try to tell her the good things when we talk...Rule of Thumb, don't ever tell your Mother details of fights or bickers you have with your significant other because though you will forgive and forget and move on, your mother never will.
So, my mom has spent maybe 10hrs with the Love of my life and she actually had the audacity to put me on the spot tonight and asked when we were getting engaged then proceeded to ask if I thought he really was committed to the relationship and suggested that maybe I should take a break to see if he misses me and comes running with a ring. I was told that she didn't notice a big difference from when she saw us a year ago, that he isn't very affectionate, that she thinks he likes to make jokes at my expense and that she just doesn't want me to get too emotionally attached (too late) as she thinks I may be more invested in the relationship that he is.
I have to say I was hurt, and to be quite honest it started putting thoughts into my head that I really don't want there. Sure I have thought some of the things she was saying I am not going to lie. My boyfriend is not super lovey dovey but he does the lovey dovey when I least expect it and when he does my heart melts. Just today he kissed my head for no reason and held me while I napped for two hours despite the entire right side of his body falling asleep and going numb. We have come a long way in our relationship. I am his first real, long term, say "I Love You" girlfriend. I am the first girl he ever introduced to his family. I honestly can't imagine my life without him and would be heartbroken if I lost him in any way.
I called my boyfriend on the way home and told him everything. Not sure if that was a good move or bad. He didn't say much. He did ask if I thought he would get the third degree when we are in MN in just a couple weeks. He ended the call by saying he loved me.
I am not one of those ultimatum types. I don't want to force someone who "likes it to put a ring on it". I don't want to ever be resented, I don't want to be left at the altar and if I have anything to do with it I don't want to ever go through a divorce.
I watched my parents go through a nasty divorce for almost 12 years. I want to find and marry the real deal. I would like to think that that I've found the real deal.
For most of us, that would be followed by an, "enough said"...
She is visiting from Minnesota where she retired with husband #3 and her now 22 month old baby. The funny thing about her living in Minnesota is that between the two of them they knew exactly 0 people when they moved there, have 0 family members out there and unlike normal people who retire at the beach they chose to retire on a lake surrounded by wilderness.
She has been there about 2 years, I have yet to visit but there is a trip planned in just a couple weeks that my boyfriend and I are taking together.
One tidbit piece of info you should know about my mother being in town is that she came in her 40ft RV. Yes, picture a tour bus driven by two Sr. Citizens and a toddler.
I have to admit it's pretty comical sight to see but it works for them sooo who am I to judge...right?
Anyways, Mom & Co. leave tomorrow to head back to MN after being on the East Coast since the end of April. I went to their Campsite tonight (did I really just type that?) to say my goodbyes, not realizing I was about to be ambushed.
Now, remember back at the beginning of the story I told you that my mom is on husband #3...keep that in mind as I unveil what happens next...
My boyfriend and I have been dating for exactly 1 year, 5 months and 3 days. Yes, we talk engagement and houses and weddings and kids and IDEALLY I would LOVE to get engaged by the end of 2010 (and he knows that). This timeline would be the 2 year mark for us and I think a great point in a relationship to make that jump to the next step especially since he will be just 2 months shy of his 30th birthday and I will almost be 28. We are at a good point in our relationship. We are best friends, we love eachother, we make eachother laugh daily, we are the first person the other calls to celebrate a success, to vent, to cry (well more me crying to him but you get my drift). We are on the same page about religion AND politics :) we both love country music, he is a good singer I am a good dancer. We both are ridiculously good looking :)....I could go on and on.
My mom has met my boyfriend a total of 3 times?? Maybe? She has spent less than 10hrs total and I really only try to tell her the good things when we talk...Rule of Thumb, don't ever tell your Mother details of fights or bickers you have with your significant other because though you will forgive and forget and move on, your mother never will.
So, my mom has spent maybe 10hrs with the Love of my life and she actually had the audacity to put me on the spot tonight and asked when we were getting engaged then proceeded to ask if I thought he really was committed to the relationship and suggested that maybe I should take a break to see if he misses me and comes running with a ring. I was told that she didn't notice a big difference from when she saw us a year ago, that he isn't very affectionate, that she thinks he likes to make jokes at my expense and that she just doesn't want me to get too emotionally attached (too late) as she thinks I may be more invested in the relationship that he is.
I have to say I was hurt, and to be quite honest it started putting thoughts into my head that I really don't want there. Sure I have thought some of the things she was saying I am not going to lie. My boyfriend is not super lovey dovey but he does the lovey dovey when I least expect it and when he does my heart melts. Just today he kissed my head for no reason and held me while I napped for two hours despite the entire right side of his body falling asleep and going numb. We have come a long way in our relationship. I am his first real, long term, say "I Love You" girlfriend. I am the first girl he ever introduced to his family. I honestly can't imagine my life without him and would be heartbroken if I lost him in any way.
I called my boyfriend on the way home and told him everything. Not sure if that was a good move or bad. He didn't say much. He did ask if I thought he would get the third degree when we are in MN in just a couple weeks. He ended the call by saying he loved me.
I am not one of those ultimatum types. I don't want to force someone who "likes it to put a ring on it". I don't want to ever be resented, I don't want to be left at the altar and if I have anything to do with it I don't want to ever go through a divorce.
I watched my parents go through a nasty divorce for almost 12 years. I want to find and marry the real deal. I would like to think that that I've found the real deal.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
"Just Say No", to Cotton Eye Joe
Tonight was Date Night with my boyfriend
His new work schedule keeps us apart most week nights (even some Fridays)
So Saturdays and Sundays are becoming our new routine, with a weekly lunch, a new IM account (for him) a family plan cell phone account for unlimited calls and texts and nightly skype calls :)
Anyways, we ended up at Texas Road House, I had never been nor will I ever go again
I felt like I was attending a 10 year olds Birthday Party
No one could pay me enough to force someone to ride a saddle while screaming that they are celebrating their birthday OR to line dance for the ENTIRE 4 minute song of Cotton Eye Joe
I find these types of situations extremely uncomfortable and am mortified for these employees (and even mortified for myself to be sitting amongst the chaos)
My boyfriend deems this as me being "high maintenance" scolding that I just need to "loosen up"
I on the other hand enjoy more of an intimate ambiance especially when I don't get to see him as much as I am used to
I don't enjoy screaming over Cotton Eye Joe, "WHAT?!!!" while trying to have a conversation, nor do I enjoy the sound of "crunch, crunching" of peanut shells as I walk to and from my table
Is it me??
We still managed to have a pleasant evening, I guess it really does come down to the company you keep and the fact that when you're dining with one you love, you're much more able to drown everything and everyone out, even the headache inducing sound of that god awful Cotton Eye Joe
His new work schedule keeps us apart most week nights (even some Fridays)
So Saturdays and Sundays are becoming our new routine, with a weekly lunch, a new IM account (for him) a family plan cell phone account for unlimited calls and texts and nightly skype calls :)
Anyways, we ended up at Texas Road House, I had never been nor will I ever go again
I felt like I was attending a 10 year olds Birthday Party
No one could pay me enough to force someone to ride a saddle while screaming that they are celebrating their birthday OR to line dance for the ENTIRE 4 minute song of Cotton Eye Joe
I find these types of situations extremely uncomfortable and am mortified for these employees (and even mortified for myself to be sitting amongst the chaos)
My boyfriend deems this as me being "high maintenance" scolding that I just need to "loosen up"
I on the other hand enjoy more of an intimate ambiance especially when I don't get to see him as much as I am used to
I don't enjoy screaming over Cotton Eye Joe, "WHAT?!!!" while trying to have a conversation, nor do I enjoy the sound of "crunch, crunching" of peanut shells as I walk to and from my table
Is it me??
We still managed to have a pleasant evening, I guess it really does come down to the company you keep and the fact that when you're dining with one you love, you're much more able to drown everything and everyone out, even the headache inducing sound of that god awful Cotton Eye Joe
Save The Date ~ Part 2
The latest with the "Monster of Honor"...
I received an email about all 8 of us bridesmaids chipping in on a Bridal Shower gift
I thought that was a decent idea, IF we were going to get her a big present
The Maid of Honor picked the $190 bedding set and said to "chip in $20 dollars each"...Is this a little shoddy that 8 people are going in on a present that is under $200???! I was planning on spending at least $100 if I was getting her something on my own
I feel the Bridal Shower should take precedent over the Bachelorette Party expenses and with this girl, well she just has a totally different mindset
I went through the registry myself and was thinking of buying the pillows and throw for her from me, but I guess that would be rude if I chipped in towards a present and then SURPRISE bought my own too?? Thoughts?....
Maybe I should just play by the Monster's rules, chip in my $20 and buy myself something!
Stay tuned for further Monster updates...
I received an email about all 8 of us bridesmaids chipping in on a Bridal Shower gift
I thought that was a decent idea, IF we were going to get her a big present
The Maid of Honor picked the $190 bedding set and said to "chip in $20 dollars each"...Is this a little shoddy that 8 people are going in on a present that is under $200???! I was planning on spending at least $100 if I was getting her something on my own
I feel the Bridal Shower should take precedent over the Bachelorette Party expenses and with this girl, well she just has a totally different mindset
I went through the registry myself and was thinking of buying the pillows and throw for her from me, but I guess that would be rude if I chipped in towards a present and then SURPRISE bought my own too?? Thoughts?....
Maybe I should just play by the Monster's rules, chip in my $20 and buy myself something!
Stay tuned for further Monster updates...
Pedi and People Watching
So this post is going to sound extremely judgmental but I have to blog, it's just too good not to..
Sitting in the nail salon today I took particular notice to a woman who obviously had come from the gym. She was wearing spandex pants and a sports bra..yep, that's it
She had fake boobs that were hanging out the top and out the side of her sports bra
She had long stringy, orange-y, colored from a box hair and tattoos on her neck, around her arm and on her leg of dragons and vines
She WAS fit I will give her that
Also at the nail salon, I realized half way into my mani that my nail person had a stub for a thumb. Now don't get me wrong, obviously there are some things people can't help and he is super nice and does a great job but it was an odd feeling having my hand groped by a nub of skin. It kind of grossed me out a little, I'm sorry but it did...
As punishment for thinking that someones nub was gross I proceeded to get into a car accident while leaving the car wash (after the nail salon)
The guy was a total d*ck too
He was old and was all up in my space
I mean literally the plate on the front of my car rubbed some of its blue color onto his bumper, that was the extent of the damage and he was SO rude!
He actually said he wanted to see my license to verify I was who I said I was...seriously?
I took a pic of the "damage" just in case
Here is a question, maybe you can help me...The driver wasn't the owner of the vehicle. If he is not on the insurance policy is the "accident" void??
Sitting in the nail salon today I took particular notice to a woman who obviously had come from the gym. She was wearing spandex pants and a sports bra..yep, that's it
She had fake boobs that were hanging out the top and out the side of her sports bra
She had long stringy, orange-y, colored from a box hair and tattoos on her neck, around her arm and on her leg of dragons and vines
She WAS fit I will give her that
Also at the nail salon, I realized half way into my mani that my nail person had a stub for a thumb. Now don't get me wrong, obviously there are some things people can't help and he is super nice and does a great job but it was an odd feeling having my hand groped by a nub of skin. It kind of grossed me out a little, I'm sorry but it did...
As punishment for thinking that someones nub was gross I proceeded to get into a car accident while leaving the car wash (after the nail salon)
The guy was a total d*ck too
He was old and was all up in my space
I mean literally the plate on the front of my car rubbed some of its blue color onto his bumper, that was the extent of the damage and he was SO rude!
He actually said he wanted to see my license to verify I was who I said I was...seriously?
I took a pic of the "damage" just in case
Here is a question, maybe you can help me...The driver wasn't the owner of the vehicle. If he is not on the insurance policy is the "accident" void??
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Save The Date
I am still a Bridesmaid with hopes of being a Bride relatively soon...(No, seriously...)
I have suffered through my share of Engagement Announcements, Bridal Showers, Bachelorette Parties, Weddings, Wedding dates, Bridesmaid dresses, Bridesmaid hair, you get the drift...(Not to mention these girls that are now lapping me and celebrating Baby Announcements, and Baby Showers, and births, and 1 year old Birthday Parties...but that’s a whole other post)
I’ve been in the Wedding where I was 1 of 16 Bridesmaids (No, that is not a typo)
I've done the themed Wedding where I had to traipse down the aisle in cowgirl boots to Wild Wild West by Will Smith (No, I'm not kidding)
I've caught the bouquet...Twice
I’ve hooked up with a friend of the groom...Once
I’ve been dumped at a weekend long wedding...Also once...
Ohhh what we endure for the sake of the Bride
All I can say is I cant wait ‘til it’s my turn…
My desktop folder is filled to the brim, I am a regular on JCrewWedding.com and I have my guest list pretty much in tact (minus the Groom’s side as that role is still somewhat pending)
My latest wedding debacle has to do with my (hopefully) sister-in-law to bes wedding as I was asked to be one of her 8 bridesmaids. I am actually really looking forward to this wedding. For starters, my boyfriend and I will be in the wedding together and well, I actually like his sister. I wouldn’t say we have a TON in common but we get a long just fine and have fun when we hang out plus she will be moving once she’s married so there’s not a lot of room for drama when one is half way across state (although drama tends to find me so I guess you never know).
The issues I have been having thus far have actually been with the Maid of Honor. She’s a real biatch. She’s one of those gym teacher types and has the masculine, tough cookie attitude like she could pummel me at any moment (and she probably could). She is one of those Maids of Honor who plans everything and foots you with the bill at the end and that’s just not how I work.
The latest issue with the Maid of Honor is her planning a weekend long party cramming a two day Bachelorette Party AND Bridal Shower into a two day weekend. Since when did these Bachelorette (and Bachelor) Parties become so extravagant? What happened to renting a limo for the night and going out with your girlfriends for a nice dress up dinner, drinks and dancing? Since when do you rent a hotel for two nights, rent a BOAT (Yes, a boat) and a limo and dinner and drinks and dancing??!
Being a bridesmaid is pricey. There’s the dress, shoes, hair, makeup, bridal shower and present, Bachelorette Party, dinner, drinks, present, Wedding present, in this case a hotel for the weekend of the wedding as it is a couple hours away…
And don’t get me wrong...when you accept the Bridesmaid title you accept all of these financial responsibilities and when you accept the title you’re accepting it because the Bride to be is your friend.
It just sucks you have to hang out with her other friends, because they generally suck.
More to come on Save The Date as the drama continues.....
I have suffered through my share of Engagement Announcements, Bridal Showers, Bachelorette Parties, Weddings, Wedding dates, Bridesmaid dresses, Bridesmaid hair, you get the drift...(Not to mention these girls that are now lapping me and celebrating Baby Announcements, and Baby Showers, and births, and 1 year old Birthday Parties...but that’s a whole other post)
I’ve been in the Wedding where I was 1 of 16 Bridesmaids (No, that is not a typo)
I've done the themed Wedding where I had to traipse down the aisle in cowgirl boots to Wild Wild West by Will Smith (No, I'm not kidding)
I've caught the bouquet...Twice
I’ve hooked up with a friend of the groom...Once
I’ve been dumped at a weekend long wedding...Also once...
Ohhh what we endure for the sake of the Bride
All I can say is I cant wait ‘til it’s my turn…
My desktop folder is filled to the brim, I am a regular on JCrewWedding.com and I have my guest list pretty much in tact (minus the Groom’s side as that role is still somewhat pending)
My latest wedding debacle has to do with my (hopefully) sister-in-law to bes wedding as I was asked to be one of her 8 bridesmaids. I am actually really looking forward to this wedding. For starters, my boyfriend and I will be in the wedding together and well, I actually like his sister. I wouldn’t say we have a TON in common but we get a long just fine and have fun when we hang out plus she will be moving once she’s married so there’s not a lot of room for drama when one is half way across state (although drama tends to find me so I guess you never know).
The issues I have been having thus far have actually been with the Maid of Honor. She’s a real biatch. She’s one of those gym teacher types and has the masculine, tough cookie attitude like she could pummel me at any moment (and she probably could). She is one of those Maids of Honor who plans everything and foots you with the bill at the end and that’s just not how I work.
The latest issue with the Maid of Honor is her planning a weekend long party cramming a two day Bachelorette Party AND Bridal Shower into a two day weekend. Since when did these Bachelorette (and Bachelor) Parties become so extravagant? What happened to renting a limo for the night and going out with your girlfriends for a nice dress up dinner, drinks and dancing? Since when do you rent a hotel for two nights, rent a BOAT (Yes, a boat) and a limo and dinner and drinks and dancing??!
Being a bridesmaid is pricey. There’s the dress, shoes, hair, makeup, bridal shower and present, Bachelorette Party, dinner, drinks, present, Wedding present, in this case a hotel for the weekend of the wedding as it is a couple hours away…
And don’t get me wrong...when you accept the Bridesmaid title you accept all of these financial responsibilities and when you accept the title you’re accepting it because the Bride to be is your friend.
It just sucks you have to hang out with her other friends, because they generally suck.
More to come on Save The Date as the drama continues.....
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